Alice in Wonderland changed my life. No, seriously. Sometimes the best realizations we have about ourselves come in the most unexpected ways. I have been reading Alice in Wonderland, mostly because I am obsessed with imagination. While I was reading, I came across this quote very early on, and I had an epiphany.
Here’s the quote, “…for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people. ‘But it’s no use now,’ thought poor Alice, ‘to pretend to be two people! Why, there’s hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person.'”
You can probably see where this is going now. We too are very fond of pretending to be two people. This applies to more than just Christianity, but that is what I am going to talk about specifically. I think this boils down to a commitment issue. Stay with me here! We are so afraid of being sold out one way or another that we try to float in between. We don’t want to be wrong. We don’t want to spend our entire lives living wholeheartedly and end up being wrong, so we try to experience a little bit of everything. The problem with this though is that, when you live your life halfheartedly, there’s not nearly enough of you to go around.
Trust me on this one. I know this all too well. The reasons I like Alice in Wonderland so much is that I can relate to Alice on such a deep level that I feel like the story is almost written just for me. Alice adamantly tries to escape her own reality. She separates herself from everything real just to be able to make it through the day. Although this seems like a perfect way to handle life, this doesn’t work. I promise.
I have realized that living in one’s own imagination makes that person blind to reality. I am not saying by any means that imagination is a bad thing, but just like with anything, too much of a good thing can kill you. We are given imagination for a reason, but that reason is not to live two separate lives. Eventually, this catches up with you, and not to stretch the metaphor too far, but we can find ourselves down a rabbit hole.
I have personally lived much of my life down a rabbit hole. I have spent almost my entire life in a world of my own. This has gotten me into some trouble to be honest. Our minds are beautiful and terrible at the same time. They can show us gorgeous things or they can outright lie to us. When we live too much inside our own heads, we can make ourselves believe anything. We can make ourselves believe that reality is something much different than it actually is.
I’m sorry if no one else really understands what I’m talking about, but this is how I personally feel. I have convinced myself that I am the same person I was in high school, that I am just struggling with Christianity, and that I really am seeking God. But none of that is really true. I have tried to live in a completely different world for this past year especially. Satan has used my intellect to lie to me.
Just like in Alice in Wonderland, Wonderland is not completely imaginative. Alice’s world is very symbolic. Every creature, every event, every feeling is just an delusion based off of actually people, real events, and true feelings. This is the same in life. Satan only tells lies when they’re almost the truth. Just look at the story of Adam and Eve. Satan does not outright lie to Eve. He tells her the very small lie that if she touches the fruit she will die. Satan just likes to get his foot in the door with tiny lies like “there’s nothing that wrong with doing that” or “he really does love you” or “you’re seeking love, and that’s what really matters” or “it’s your motivation that matters more than your actions.” Sorry if I am not making much sense, but I am hoping at least one person understands this.
Don’t be a victim of your own mind. It will leave you stuck between fantasy and reality, and as time goes on, it only gets more difficult to tell the difference.