I Fell Down a Rabbit Hole: How Alice in Wonderland Changed My Life

Alice in Wonderland changed my life. No, seriously. Sometimes the best realizations we have about ourselves come in the most unexpected ways. I have been reading Alice in Wonderland, mostly because I am obsessed with imagination. While I was reading, I came across this quote very early on, and I had an epiphany.

Here’s the quote, “…for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people. ‘But it’s no use now,’ thought poor Alice, ‘to pretend to be two people! Why, there’s hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person.'”

You can probably see where this is going now. We too are very fond of pretending to be two people. This applies to more than just Christianity, but that is what I am going to talk about specifically. I think this boils down to a commitment issue. Stay with me here! We are so afraid of being sold out one way or another that we try to float in between. We don’t want to be wrong. We don’t want to spend our entire lives living wholeheartedly and end up being wrong, so we try to experience a little bit of everything. The problem with this though is that, when you live your life halfheartedly, there’s not nearly enough of you to go around. 

Trust me on this one. I know this all too well. The reasons I like Alice in Wonderland so much is that I can relate to Alice on such a deep level that I feel like the story is almost written just for me. Alice adamantly tries to escape her own reality. She separates herself from everything real just to be able to make it through the day. Although this seems like a perfect way to handle life, this doesn’t work. I promise.

I have realized that living in one’s own imagination makes that person blind to reality. I am not saying by any means that imagination is a bad thing, but just like with anything, too much of a good thing can kill you. We are given imagination for a reason, but that reason is not to live two separate lives. Eventually, this catches up with you, and not to stretch the metaphor too far, but we can find ourselves down a rabbit hole.

I have personally lived much of my life down a rabbit hole. I have spent almost my entire life in a world of my own. This has gotten me into some trouble to be honest. Our minds are beautiful and terrible at the same time. They can show us gorgeous things or they can outright lie to us. When we live too much inside our own heads, we can make ourselves believe anything. We can make ourselves believe that reality is something much different than it actually is.

I’m sorry if no one else really understands what I’m talking about, but this is how I personally feel. I have convinced myself that I am the same person I was in high school, that I am just struggling with Christianity, and that I really am seeking God. But none of that is really true. I have tried to live in a completely different world for this past year especially. Satan has used my intellect to lie to me.

Just like in Alice in Wonderland, Wonderland is not completely imaginative. Alice’s world is very symbolic. Every creature, every event, every feeling is just an delusion based off of actually people, real events, and true feelings. This is the same in life. Satan only tells lies when they’re almost the truth. Just look at the story of Adam and Eve. Satan does not outright lie to Eve. He tells her the very small lie that if she touches the fruit she will die. Satan just likes to get his foot in the door with tiny lies like “there’s nothing that wrong with doing that” or “he really does love you” or “you’re seeking love, and that’s what really matters” or “it’s your motivation that matters more than your actions.” Sorry if I am not making much sense, but I am hoping at least one person understands this. 

Don’t be a victim of your own mind. It will leave you stuck between fantasy and reality, and as time goes on, it only gets more difficult to tell the difference.


Hebrews 12:1-3, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, FIXING OUR EYES ON JESUS, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

This goes so well with my last post. Fix our eyes on Jesus.

Hebrews 12:1-3,…

What is Love?

“Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.”

Okay, well that isn’t exactly where I plan on going with this. I have been thinking quite a bit about love recently. That’s probably a good thing considering love is what Jesus preached above all else. Sin is the absence of love. I have truly been torn up about the concept of love, though. What does love really look like? 

Too many times, I have seen love look like “You make me happy.” We say we love pizza or swimming or basketball or movies, but what does that really mean? It means that those things make us happy. The same thing seems to be true for people. When we tell people that we love them, or even when we simply feel love for another person, what we really mean is usually, “That person is making me happy.”

There is a huge issue with viewing love in this way. Happiness is fleeting. When people stop making each other happy, which does happen just in case you were wondering, they think they have “fallen out of love,” whatever that means. God has really been pressing me about love and what love should really look like.

This past school year, I made a lot of very bad decisions. Not only did I blantently and unrepentantly sin, I completely gave up on God in general. I thought that I could take the teachings of scripture and apply them to my life but not ever have to deal with God’s wrath, justice, or judgment. I did not realize how bitter this would make me. It got to the point where I was angry at everything and everyone. I hated Christians. I saw them as hypocrites, more so than myself. I decided that I was just going to focus on love. This sounds like what we are called to do, but this could not be any farther from the truth. We are called to focus on Jesus, and from that springs forth love. We cannot love in our own strength.

That’s the thing that blows my mind the most. I am NOT capable of love on my own. On the other hand though, love is also a command. How does one do something that is commanded of them without being capable in their own power? This is something I struggled with all year, and God has been preparing me for facing this struggle for many years. I realized that Jesus is the one I am seeking, not love. I am not seeking to love and to hope and to have joy. I am seeking Jesus, and those things are just included in the package. 

I dated a guy this past year that was not good for me to say the least. He was spiritual and deep, but this guy did not love Jesus. Because of the questions I had, I did not understand that there was a difference. I thought that since both of our lives were focused around love, it didn’t matter if he was following Jesus or not. We both shared the same ideals. Why does it matter, then? Oh, but it matters. There is a huge difference in seeking love and seeking Jesus. This is the difference in “you make me happy” and “I will sacrifice myself for you.” It is the difference between choosing who you love and choosing to love no matter what. Jesus is the key, not love. 

This has been such a difficult journey and such a difficult concept for me to wrap my brain around. God is love, right? So if I just focusing on loving, I’ll be closer to God, right? Wrong! Seek Jesus. That is what we are called to do as believers, and that seeking will inevitably produce a selfless and sacrificial love.

When love is selfish, it is not truly love. Love must be selfless to mean anything. Jesus loves us. We are to love like he loves us, and that is nowhere near possible on our own. I am trying to focus on Jesus. That is my calling. That is my purpose. To seek Jesus seeking me.